The Choice
by TonyJace17
Summary: He wanted all of that. He wanted to go to college, to find a good job, to have a family of his own...Edward's view on the issue of turning. Role reversal. Edward/Bella. Oneshot.


This is another little oneshot on the human-Edward/Vampire-Bella storyline on the turning issue.

I don't own Twilight

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When finding yourself dating a vampire, there was a certain issue that was impossible, really, to not think about at some point. It was inevitable that they should think about it, that they should talk about it.

Edward had been putting it off. His decision to stay with Bella hadn't been an easy one and this issue had been in the back of his mind since he had made that one. Generally, he did like to think things through.

He had thought about it as he sat at the dinner table with his mother. His mother, who had been so very distraught when his father had died, who had never quite been able to bounce back from that tragedy.

He had thought about as he watched Bella's family. As he watched Jasper struggle to maintain control in a building full of high school students. As he watched Carlisle's eyes while he'd explained his past. Rosalie, so full of bitterness over what she was. Esme, whose hands would stray, even after all the years since she had been turned, to her stomach.

And he thought about himself. He thought about his own dreams. He thought about the scouts that had come to his last baseball game. He thought about med school and how much he loved babysitting for the neighbors and how nice it would if, someday, he could have children of his own.

And then, later, when he was staring into James' red eyes and the choice was seemingly taken from him, he didn't want it. He screamed with the pain of it and he screamed because he didn't want it.

And then Bella did the impossible. She turned it back. She pulled him back from the brink, pulled the poison from his veins and, when he woke up in the hospital, he was still completely human. He was sure she heard the sigh of relief that escaped him when he realized it.

It was later, when he was sitting on his bed in his room, waiting for Bella and staring down at his heavily bandaged hand that he had decided to finally bring it up. It wasn't fair of him not to. He needed to tell her just in case she was hoping for something he couldn't give her.

"Edward?" Her voice came from his window and he turned to look at her, giving her a strained smile.

"Hey," he said, scooting over to make room for her on the bed. She sat down, folding her legs under her and he fell silent, stayed that way for a while.

"Are you alright?" She asked softly.

"I'm sorry," he blurted out suddenly, looking over at her.

"What do you have to be sorry for?" She asked, with a slight frown on her face.

Edward turned so that he could face her, sitting cross-legged on his bed, his injured hand in his lap. "I can't do it, Bella."

"Can't do what, Edward?"

"I can't…I've been thinking about it a lot. I've been thinking about my mom and school and baseball and all the things I want to do and…" He paused, trailed off and tried to steady himself. "It was scary. It was scarier than dying when he bit me, when I knew what was going to happen to me." He had to blink back tears as he said it.

"I'm sorry," she said softly, the remorse in her eyes clear.

"Not your fault." He spoke the words firmly but she shook her head, reached for his good hand.

"If I had stayed away…"

"You gave me the option," Edward pointed out. "I chose to stay with you. It's more my fault than yours if we want to think that way, but I'd rather place the blame where it belongs, on James."

Bella nodded but still didn't look completely convinced. "But you were working yourself up to tell me something."

He squeezed her hand and sighed, looking down. "I love you," he said quietly. "You've saved my life three times now but I can't….I can't be like you."

Her free hand went to his cheek and he looked up into her eyes. There was a sadness there that he could only blame on himself. "Edward, you know I would never do anything you didn't want me to do, don't you?"

"I know." He gave her a brittle smile. "I just…I didn't think it was fair, not telling you. You should know. I do love you but the prospect of living forever…the idea of it terrifies me worse than death." The idea of never seeing his mother again, of never having children of his own…He wanted all of that. He wanted to go to college, to find a good job, to have a family of his own.

"I understand," Bella said, her tone sad as well. He pulled her to him this time and they both fell back on the bed, on their sides in a hug. He buried his face in her hair.

"I'm sorry." He repeated the words sadly.

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

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Bella watched him sleep, brushed the messy hair off his forehead. She did not want to leave him just yet, although she knew Elizabeth would probably come and check on him soon. His mother had been fiercely overprotective since he had gotten out of the hospital, not that Bella blamed the woman for it.

The conversation they'd just had only strengthened her resolve for what she needed to do. She had spoken to Alice several times about it and, if she stayed, it was set. If she stayed, he would be turned. Alice was sure of that. And, even though Alice's visions were not a hundred percent reliable, Bella simply couldn't risk it.

And she would need to leave, sooner or later. He wanted things…things she would never be able to give him and who was she to deny him what he wanted? She would not force him into something that he did not want.

Alice wouldn't understand. She was excited about the vision. She thought it would be the best thing for both of them and Bella doubted Alice would get why he didn't want it. But Bella understood. She would honor his wishes.

She would honor his wishes even if leaving him would kill her.


End file.
